People in the group:

• Forget what the group's objective is, overall and for specific meetings.
• Have different perceptions of what the problem is, which makes it very difficult to be creative in solving it.
• Say they want a clear agenda but resist when someone tries to facilitate.

You hear things like:

• "Getting anything done with these people is like trying to herd a bunch of cats."
• "She is just talking to hear herself speak - it is not getting us anywhere."
• "He always hijacks the agenda."

• "He refuses to listen."
• "I just can't get her to understand."
• "We can't keep going around in circles on this."
• "He keeps talking about numbers that have no bearing on the conversation."
• "I can't get her to admit that she is wrong."
• "He is really stubborn."

People in the group are:

• Finding it difficult to trust each other.
• Consistently overreacting to issues or situations.
• Focusing on assigning blame and defending themselves rather than on problem solving.

You hear things like:

• "She doesn't care about doing what's best for the community. She is only focused on doing what's best for her."
• "He has no integrity."
• "She keeps attacking me personally."
• "I told him that he was being disrespectful and insensitive, but he just got defensive."
• "I don't think I can work with her unless she admits that she was wrong and apologizes."

People in the group:

• Come to meetings with the answer "all figured out."
• Are not willing to discuss new and different ideas.
• Agree to things because that is how it has always been done.

You hear things like:

• "It is time to move on, we know what we have to do."
• "We are here to make decisions, not come up with outrageous ideas that will never work."
• "If there was a better way to resolve this, then we would have thought of it already."

People in the group are:

• Not talking about specifics because they think the agreement is too precarious.
• Getting frustrated with each other because even the little details seem to require endless discussion.
• Starting to agree to things they never intend to follow through on - just to end the conversation.

You hear things like:

• "People don't stay on topic and we waste so much time!"
• "That's not what we agreed to at all!"
• "I agree with a lot of this, but I just can't say yes to it all."
• "I just can't seem to get him to make a firm commitment."

Stages of the Collaborative Process

Lessons Learned Home