Next-Gen Peer Jaedyn Medrano (MS ‘26), studying Behavior, Education, and Communication (BEC) and Environmental Justice (EJ), shares her journey navigating through a gap year before starting her master's degree at the University of Michigan School for Environment and Sustainability (SEAS).

In December of 2022, I graduated from my undergraduate program at Texas A&M University, and I had no idea what I wanted to do with myself anymore. I had taken an extra semester to graduate, didn’t have a strong GPA, and couldn’t afford to move to a new city to pursue any full-time job opportunities. I was experiencing strong internal conflicts because I felt I had failed my family’s expectations of me going to school and achieving academic and professional success. I am the oldest daughter and the oldest grandchild in a long line of 13 grandchildren. Worst of all, I had disappointed myself and was struggling not to fall prey to the depression that afflicts many of my family members. 

Financially, mentally, and physically, it was the lowest point in my life thus far. Nothing had worked out the way I wanted. What was I supposed to do? 

I moved into my grandparents' house the day of my graduation, and was allowed approximately one day to rot and feel sorry for myself before my grandmother started waking me up early in the mornings and prodding me to do something about applying for jobs. At first, I was reluctant; I didn’t want to process my feelings and pull myself out of my slump. I just wanted to wallow. But due to my grandparents' support, and the long-distance support of some of my best friends, I managed to get up and put myself out there. I began applying for internships in my city, and finished my application to the SEAS graduate program, which I had started during my last semester of undergrad. While I felt I wasn’t an academically strong master’s candidate, I gave it my best shot because I had fallen in love with the idea of the SEAS program. The issue of not having any money but still having bills to pay was the next problem I tackled, and I applied to work at a Lowe's that was five minutes away from my grandparents' house. I was hired on the spot and quickly threw myself into the mindlessness of working in the retail/customer service industry. I was spending hours every week cleaning up mulch, dirt, stones, and loading pavers under the Texas sun.

After about a month or so of working there, I was notified that I had been accepted into SEAS and had been paired with my chosen advisor. Finally, something had worked out despite my lack of faith in myself, and I was ecstatic.

This happiness was short-lived, because despite my excitement at being accepted into a program at the University of Michigan, I was still deeply conflicted about what to do with the offer of admission. I hadn’t met the application deadline to be considered for funding. I had no savings to pay for the cost of moving from Texas to Michigan. My grandfather was in extremely poor health and not mentally sound. I was burnt out. I asked myself again, what am I supposed to do here? I was faced with either trying to make something work out of nothing, going to grad school with no money, trying to be responsible, or doing the best thing for myself. I was a repeat offender of taking on too many tasks or becoming involved with too many things and not being able to handle it all. I was reflecting on what would be the best choice for me versus what standards and expectations I had imposed on myself. Ultimately, I chose to defer my enrollment and take a gap year, which is something I had never imagined I would choose. 

I had heard a lot of opinions from many people about what taking a gap year does to someone. I often heard it referred to as running away or as an excuse not to grow up. Perhaps the most painful comment made was from my own mother, who told me that she thought that if I stopped, I would never go back to school. Navigating complex relationships with my family has always been difficult for me as a first-generation student. My confidence was shattered when the people who should have been my biggest cheerleaders had no faith in me. I was plagued with guilt and had doubts in myself for taking a gap because it felt like I was falling behind my peers and wasting precious chances. This was not an easy mindset to shift away from; however, after reflecting on my gap year, I am grateful to myself for allowing me the time I needed to rest.

So what did I do with myself during this gap year? Nothing. I just enjoyed my life; I dyed my hair four different colors, went to six different concerts or performances, went on countless dates with my partner, tried and failed to see the total eclipse, took thousands of pictures of flowers and mushrooms while walking through state parks with my friends, and ordered all the takeout my heart desired. I wasn’t indulgent the whole time; I was working a thirty-nine-hour work week with only part-time pay/benefits, I was driving my sickly grandfather around to appointments or the grocery store when he couldn’t remember anything, and had to navigate being in two car accidents back-to-back that were caused by other people and that had totaled my vehicle. But we ball.

Sometimes things in life aren’t going to work out, and your journey is going to look a lot different from how you envisioned it. It is not a personal or moral failing; life is unpredictable, and it’s our first time living it. Having it all figured out would be impossible.

If you find yourself wrestling with the frustration of your plans not panning out, or you’re upset with yourself for taking longer to do something than others, remember to be kind to yourself. I have no sage advice on how to overcome adversity or what you should do when you are struggling to know what to do, but I can encourage you to do the most important thing anyone can do. To live happily, embrace people authentically, and to love yourself unconditionally. 

The Next-Gen community is grateful to have experienced and had a front row seat to Jaedyn’s steadfast spirit of open communication, maturity, and graceful accountability. Thank you, Jaedyn!